Hey, y’all. I’d be lying if I didn’t say I have a knot in my chest writing this post. It’s something I’ve felt so ashamed of that I stopped blogging about finances for a while. I thought if I couldn’t keep a handle on my own finances why am I giving others advice? But through all of that I realized that only talking about my financial wins isn’t realistic. Finances are hard and muddied by emotions and life experiences. For me, spending money is what I do to relieve stress. Retail therapy. But I’ve come to realize it’s not just about stress, but control. If I’m stressed at work or in my personal life I want control over the one thing I can grasp at, and thats the perception of my life. I want my clothes to be perfect, my house to be immaculately decorated, and I want to seem like I have it all together. Life throws us hurdles all the time and in the last year I’ve had some of the biggest changes of my entire life with moving out of state and away from my family for the first time. I wasn’t working for almost a month during that time and I thought I had saved enough money to get through it. I would have had enough too if it wasn’t for my habit of spending on things I didn’t need. I wanted our new home to look perfect and I wanted to keep growing my blog like I have been and I just let it get out of hand. I decided to open another credit card.
After six months of financial freedom and saying that I can’t handle credit cards, I made the mistake of doing it all over again. I knew better, but my relationship with money hadn’t been fixed. I thought having new skills to put toward it without solving the root problem would be enough, but I’ve learned money isn’t just about knowing how to budget. It’s a very emotionally charged beast that I let go off the rails when my life gets stressful. A lot like dieting, honestly. The shame I feel for letting this happen again is something that I had to own up to and move past in the last month. I was so ashamed I didn’t tell anyone what was going on with me, not even Taylor, until a month ago. That’s when I knew I had to get back on the horse and get my sh*t together. This is not a healthy way to live, and I want to be financially successful. I don’t want to deal with debt and live paycheck to paycheck my whole life. I’ve worked too hard for that.
So here I am, putting it all on the table. At my most vulnerable point. I want to share this with the world for anyone else who feels like they have to pretend they have it all together when inside they feel like it’s all going to explode at any moment.
I also want to address the role blogging has had on this for me. So much of fashion blogging is thought to be always having the newest and best clothing and constantly buying new things. I thought this was something I HAD to do to be successful in this industry. I thought if I didn’t link my exact pieces and they were in stock in all sizes I’d never make it. And don’t get me started on the sales. I have been the girl pushing sales and products down others throats to get you to HURRY UP BUY IT NOW YOU NEED THIS IMMEDIATELY?!!>!>>! and I’ve just decided it leaves a bad taste in my mouth. Constantly making others feel like they need to spend money they probably don’t have on things they don’t need is not what I want to do. If I’m becoming financially stable again I just feel like it’s contradicting to be pushing others to do the exact opposite.
Going forward, I want to still post outfits. I love fashion and its still the way I express my creativity, but I want to be mindful about it. You won’t see daily posts with the newest clothes anymore, but I do still love my Lilly Pulitzer and my Nordstrom sales so don’t worry those aren’t going anywhere. 😂You’ll see lots of pieces I love and wear over and over and over again in new and creative ways. And most importantly, I’m bringing my blog on this crazy financial journey I’m going through again. Last time I went through this I went dark for 3 months, but this time I’m going to be blogging through it. I’m going to chat about not only my highs and how I save or how I coupon, but also the lows. The days when I find myself on the website of clothes I can’t afford dying for a piece I know I shouldn’t buy when it takes every ounce of self control not to click purchase, or those hard decisions to not go on vacation or Disneyland because that money has better purpose. I’ll be here typing away for all of it. I hope by sharing this I can help someone who is also struggling to get their finances in order. My first step in this process: I’m calling and making a therapist appointment tomorrow. I haven’t seen one since college and Lord knows I need to! Getting myself mentally healthy is just as important as the finances. I think if I can work through things from my past I can figure out how to be my best self moving forward.
So where do we go from here? I’m following the same plan I did last time. To check that out click HERE. An amazing book to read to jump start your journey is The Total Money Makeover by Dave Ramsey and The Budget Mom’s website is such a good resource with TONS of articles to get started. I use her Budget By Paycheck workbook to keep track of my budgeting and it’s been a game changer for me!
So let’s get started, y’all! It’s going to be a long road ahead, but we got this as long as we continue to lift each other up!